sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i think my cat just said my name.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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