I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
