does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
