He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Please don't give away my fajitas
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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