sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
