Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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