True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
