I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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