the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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