Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
