You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
