the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
