don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
