get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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