20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
