The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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