I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
