I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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