finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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