oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
