Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
