i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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