just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
