I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
