Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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