He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
