I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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