I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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