I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
