I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
