whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
