just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
