I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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