at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
