just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
