maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
