ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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