Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
