Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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