If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
