You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Nicole vs. Life
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
