guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think a kid would responsible me up
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
