He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
