It's Friday. Sex?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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