She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
