he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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