i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
