Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
