I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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