Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize