The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
