He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
