Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
