Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
