I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize