I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
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I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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