even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
