My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.â€
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