you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize