im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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