dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i already hear my dad disowning me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
