Got a toothbrush?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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